Jonathan Janz

The Joys of Outdoor Urination

Jonathan Janz — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 17:59:46 +0000

Hey, friends. I just posted a guest blog over at Brian Moreland’s site you all might want to check out. Brian’s a great writer and a good friend, and I applaud his courage in posting my incendiary diatribe. Male outdoor urination is a sensitive subject, and it’s caused a great deal of controversy over the ages. But it’s time we begin a dialogue about it so women who get angry about it can see why they’re wrong.

Just kidding, Wifey!

*Clears throat*

So here’s the article: How Public Urination Helped Inspire a Major Horror Set Piece

The Force Is with Him

A Father’s Day Reminder from Furious Styles

Jonathan Janz — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 20:44:25 +0000

Happy Father’s Day, Friends! I don’t have much to say, except I locked my keys in the van today, and my wife came to my rescue. Since my wife was the one who talked me into trading my full-sized truck for a van in the first place, I figure we’re even now. Or closer to even.

Furious Styles

A very special thank you goes out to all the fathers reading this. And you know what, it also goes out to those who act more fatherly and do more fatherly things for people than some fathers do. I think it was the great sage Laurence Fishburne in Boyz n the Hood who stated that any fool with a, um…can I say schmeckle on here? If so, I’ll paraphrase him this way: “Any fool with a schmeckle can make a baby; it takes a real man to raise his children.”

And that’s true, my friends. It’s also why I have to cut this blog post short. My kids are ready to wrestle. I want to make sure I not only keep my schmeckle safe, but that I spend time with my kids too.

Now aren’t your hearts warmer?

Question: Do you want to know what an author looks like?

Jonathan Janz — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 17:37:07 +0000

I’ve read two or three articles about this in the past week and, being someone who has never shown his face on his own blog, I’m curious about it.

So in the Comments area, I’d love to hear your feedback. Would you like Stephen King‘s work as much if you didn’t know what he looked like? Clive Barker‘s? What about J.K. Rowling? John Grisham? Has seeing an author ever strengthened the connection you feel to his or her work, or has it ever damaged that connection? Or do you not care at all?

If it influences your answers in any way, here’s a picture taken of me at a family barbecue a couple days ago.

Me at the grill

So…do you feel closer to me now?

“Reading SAVAGE SPECIES by Jonathan Janz is like discovering a lost Richard Laymon novel”

Jonathan Janz — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:30:57 +0000

The title of this post is taken from a tweet by Mr. Mark Justice, the mastermind behind the amazing Pod of Horror podcasts. Here’s the full tweet:

Reading SAVAGE SPECIES by @JonathanJanz is like discovering a lost Richard Laymon novel. And that's a good thing.—
Mark Justice (@MarkJustice) June 14, 2013

What a lovely thing to wake up to! Most of you reading this blog will be familiar with the name Richard Laymon. He’s considered one of the best horror writers of the eighties and nineties, and despite his tragic and far-too-early passing in 2001, he remains one of the most read, one of the most beloved, and one of the most influential horror authors in the genre. I spoke at length about him in this article and, interestingly enough, in the Acknowledgments page of Savage Species.

Guns a blazin’ horror!

Of course, it goes without saying—even though I’m saying it—that I’m not claiming my writing is equal to Laymon’s or that I consider myself in his class. But when someone else compares one of my books to his, and if that someone is a person who knows his stuff (and Mark Justice does), you can bet your rump I’m going to devote a blog post to it.

The FREE first installment of Savage Species (Night Terrors), by the way, is available for free everywhere ebooks are sold. Here are just a few links where you can pick up your free copy:

Thank you, Mark, for your awesome tweet, and thank you all for your support. I hope you check out Night Terrors. I think you’ll find it worth your while.

I think you’re gonna love this story, my friends

Jonathan Janz ‘Savage Species Part Two: The Children’ Review

Jonathan Janz — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 20:24:08 +0000

Reblogged from Horror Novel Reviews:

Written by: Joe Hempel

After reading the first installment I was on the hook for the rest of the series. The lead characters, the mystery of these vile creatures, the pacing and the writing were all done very well. My problem was that I couldn’t wait until the 18th of June for it to drop! Thanks to Jonathan Janz’s generosity however, I was able to read the next installment before its release.

The Day after the Party, the Fountain, and NIGHT TERRORS

Jonathan Janz — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 18:33:48 +0000

Let’s do this in reverse order. Whaddaya say, Folks?

If you haven’t checked out the FREE first installment of my new serial novel Savage Species, you can get it anywhere ebooks are sold. Here’s just one place you’ll find it.

The reaction to said installment has been un-freakin-believable, which means I feel un-freakin-believable. Some folks have been sort of stunned by the amount of violence in the latter stages of Night Terrors, but what can I say? These are bad creatures, folks. The kind that would just as soon disembowel you, munch on your entrails, and play a game of tetherball with your intestines as look at you. Below you’ll see one artist’s rendition of “the Children.”

My Other Babies

Secondly, my kids and I played in a campus fountain today. Actually, my kids played in the fountain while I took pictures of them and grinned at the adults nearby to see if they thought my kids were as adorable as I think they are. If they didn’t grin, I scowled at them and generally wished death upon them. So that was fun.

Lastly, we had a big party last night. The incredible Erin Al-Mehairi at the Oh, for the Hook of a Book website hosted guests, posted questions, and generally kept me from devolving into a quivering lump of stress. If any authors out there are looking for someone to help you with promotion, send Erin an email. The transcript of last night’s bash is right here. At least last time I looked.

FRRRREEEEEEEE!!!!!

So that’s it for now. Gotta go write. And think mean thoughts about the adults who didn’t smile warmly at my children as they frolicked in the fountain. Curmudgeons!

Your Chance to Ask Jonathan Janz ANYTHING...Oh, and Support His Release of Savage Species!

Jonathan Janz — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 18:45:24 +0000

Reblogged from Oh, for the HOOK of a BOOK!:

Hook of a Book is coordinating another GREAT book party over on our Facebook page for Jonathan Janz, horror author of Savage Species, a five-part serial series in which installment one was just released (Night Terrors). Come celebrate with Janz and support his release of Savage Species!

It's your chance to ask him any questions you like by emailing them following the directions provided below, then get your answers live at the party!

It’s a SAVAGE SPECIES Serial Party!

Jonathan Janz — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 08:35:55 +0000

Hey, All. Thanks to the awesome Erin from Oh, for the Hook of a Book, my new serial novel Savage Species will get its very own book launch party tonight (Tuesday, June 11th from 9:00 until 11:00). Erin was kind enough to orchestrate a party for Hunter Shea and me back in March (for the respective releases of Sinister Entity and The Darkest Lullaby) and will be doing so again for me and all of YOU tonight.

That’s right, Friends. You’re invited. Check out this page for all the details, and tonight we’ll party like it’s 1999. Or something.

Here’s the direct link to the Facebook page where the party will be occurring.

And here’s the email address to which you can submit a question for me: hookofabook@hotmail.com

I’ll be answering all the questions tonight, so feel free to ask me anything. And folks, I’m a controversial, polarizing public figure. Yesterday, I caused an Internet furor by starting a worldwide dialogue about Wet Sock and CROIDs. A couple days before that I shocked the world by declaring my love for an East Texas writer. And just wait until I take on global warming. It won’t be pretty.

So join us tonight. And if you haven’t yet, check out the FREE first installment of my new serial novel Savage Species right here. You can read Part One: Night Terrors in one sitting and then show up tonight demanding an explanation for my twisted imagination and bizarre characters.

I think you’re gonna love this story, my friends

My name is Jonathan Janz. I am a parent. And I am a sufferer of…

Jonathan Janz — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 18:22:09 +0000

…a pernicious and emotionally damaging condition. This condition is recurring, it is chronic, and for years I and millions of other parents have suffered from it in silence.

That’s right, folks. I’m talking about Wet Sock.

The Plague of the Twenty-First Century

No, don’t make jokes. “Wet Sock” isn’t the name of a scene in the new Judd Apatow movie. It’s a very real, very powerful condition. It occurs whenever a seven, five, or two-year-old attempts to procure a drink from the kitchen sink. It occurs every time one of them attempts to use ice. Chronic Retrieval of Ice Deficit (or “CROIDs” as it sometimes known) is another medical condition from which I suffer, and this often results in Wet Sock. After struggling for forty minutes or longer trying to pick up a single, elusive ice cube from our kitchen floor without success, I often give up. But I do so with the knowledge that Wet Sock will strike again soon. It will happen to my wife. My children. It will happen to me.

A Reproduction of My Back Porch

It is time for the silent suffering to end. We must take measures now to put an end to this blight on parenthood, this plague on humanity. Ten minutes ago my five-year-daughter changed our icemaker setting to “Crushed.” I knew then what might happen. Sure enough, a flood of minuscule granules of ice began tumbling over the edge of her already full cup, showering the floor with ice and making both CROIDs and Wet Sock an inevitability.

Early Stages of the Dreaded CROIDS

I’m writing this plea having just changed socks. No man should have to endure this. The most any male should have to change socks is twice per week. Three times maximum, but that’s only if I’ve spent a day wading through manure and dead animal carcasses, or worse, after an evening of being dragged through the mall by my wife.

The Average Male Sock

The time to act is now, folks.

And if you haven’t yet checked out the FREE first installment of my new serial horror novel, you can do so at the links below.

All Proceeds from Free Installment Go to CROIDs Research

Savage Species by Jonathan Janz

Jonathan Janz — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 18:59:37 +0000

Reblogged from Dreadful Tales:

Savage Species, the forthcoming novel by Jonathan Janz (The Sorrows, House of Skin) is a thrilling serialization in five parts. The opening of the Peaceful Valley Nature Preserve unleashes a terrifyingly rapacious evil that has lain dormant for over a century. The story has two branches one of which follows a group of young cub reporters dispatched to cover the grand opening of the park, who find themselves in the thick of the carnage that ensues, and the other which deals with a dysfunctional family whose child has been abducted by one of the titular creatures.